Work mates

So I have to give a BIT GIGANTIC SHOUT OUT!!!! to my two best friends at work. They are really supportive in all the stuff that has been going on with me. They are also smart enough to tell me when I'm doing something stupid as well. Z and A, you're the BEST!!!!

New Gig

so, I now have a new part time job. It's just on weekends and end early enough for me to get to most, MOST, derby evening stuff (unfortunately, it means not always getting to help set up). The security that is felt from finally having a definite part time job and knowing that I do not have to continue to look for one is AMAZING. This job should help finish paying off bills and give me a little bit of money to save up for stuff, like new tires for my car and paying off Austin Beauty School (hopefully before classes even start!!!). Plus, I will have time at the part time gig to get other stuff done, like setting up sewing projects and such!!

Halloween

So, Halloween has past. I had a blast at the Rocky Horror Picture Show and intend on becoming a member of the live cast that they are trying to put together!!!!! The big thing for me, though, was work. I had a vinyl Little Red Riding Hood outfit and the basket and my four inch red stillettos. I did my make-up as best as I could. The girls loved it and complimented/complained about my legs. Once I explained about the 15 years of baseball (with a year or two as catcher), a year and half of pick-up roller hockey as goalie, and roller derby since march, they understood why my legs look the way they do. I made a comment to one of the girls about thinking of being a leg model. She told me to really think about it cause my legs look that good. I really have been serious about it, I'm just waiting until I have finished transitioning. Then it'll be a move that I make (along with other types of modeling).
The biggest compliment was when one of my workmates and I went down for the mail. We passed this one gentleman who looked at me and I smiled back and said hi and kept walking. My buddy kept turning around to talk to me. When we got into the elevator, he mentioned that the guy in the elevator kept checking me out after we had gone passed him. I was so excited because it shows that I do have the ability to pass!!! My buddy realized this and he was happy for me as well.
Of course he mentioned later that he enjoyed me walking into the mail room with the card because it made him feel like Bob Barker and I was one of Barker's Beauties with the next item up for bids. I figured that was another compliment for me, so I was happy.
I like halloween!!!

Austin Spa Technology School

So, on the 5th of October, I had an appointment to visit Austin School of Spa Technology! I had visited them before at their old location, but didn't have the money at the time to take any classes from them. This time, things would be different. With a partnership between my union and the state, I get some money for college classes and so, in January, I will be in school to become a nail technician!!!! This is something that I have TONS of fun doing and I can earn money doing it. The great part is that they offer job placement afterwards, so I can go from the schooling, right into a job!!! YEAH!!!! THen, with the money that I earn from that job, I will be able to earn money to take the rest of the classes and become a full out beautician!!!! YEAH!!! (not that I'm excited or anything)

Zombie Prom. . .found one of my callings

So, the Hellions of Troy Roller Derby hosted the Zombie Prom last night at Valentines. It was a LOT of fun. There were a whole lot of Zombies and a band and a DJ and stuff to do. The cool part was that I got to do make-up for a whole bunch of the girls!!! I had a blast doing it. Most of them just had me do a little bit of touch up so that they looked like the undead. One of the girls I was going to do the whole decaying skin look on her and everything. Then we found out she is allergic to latex (I did ask before hand). We got her cleaned up and such. I might have done her with regular make-up. I don't remember because what was three girls ended up being five or six (or more). Anyway, I had a BLAST doing all the make-up stuff and actually being a make-up artist. I was so happy doing it, that I emailed my friend who talked me into signing up for Austin Beauty/Spa School. I think I'm really going to enjoy these classes and the part time job that will come from it. It's so nice to finally enjoy what I will be doing. Even if it's not earning a living, at least I can enjoy both my jobs!!!!

Unexpected Compliments

So, sometimes at work, we tend to fill out the silly surveys that help us get through the day. We did one today where I got a HUGE compliment. There was one where you just sent it back to the person with a one word description of that person. One of the wonderful people that I work with (we will call her Tulip), sent me the answer as Balanced. Since this is something that I believe in in the world and i end up with in my own life. For each really good day, there's a crappy day and vise versa. Of course, it could be the fact that in the ongoing joke/prank war between her and another co-worker, I'm the one that they can both ask for help from and they know I have no problems attacking either one (or both sometimes).

Ithaca Bout

Okay, so I'm a little behind. This happened on the 11th of the month and it was great (at least for me). I was assigned the penalty box (as it's the only thing that I'm comfortable with as an official). EZ LEE BRIBED was a great head ref (as far as I was concerned). I really enjoyed the ride up to Ithaca (and slept most of the way back, so I enjoyed that too). The bout was great. . .well. . .what I saw of it, which wasn't all that much. The other penalty box person was Female Trouble, who was new to doing the box. So I helped her out with it. Which I have NO problem doing. It just means less of watching the bout. Though, even doing one box, you may not watch a lot of the bout. Which is fine, because it keeps me busy and is the reason that I have a decent reputation for doing the penalty box. Hell, the last time I had to turn down PVRD due to a wedding, they almost cancelled the wedding!!! (Course that I might have been because three of their usual refs had weddings to go to).
Anyway, Female Trouble did do an awesome job, but she's an actual "skater" with Ithaca (I only use the quotes because Hellions includes the referees as "skaters," but Female Trouble will actually be playing in bouts eventually. That's when it will be a bad thing if she joins me in the box). Which reminds me, I need to see about ordering the hot pants that have the "get in the box" printed on them. . . now back to our regularly scheduled blog). The Hellions did an awesome job of skating. There were times when I wanted to yell things to them, but I was a good girl/referee and I kept my comments to myself. I definitely had a good time and I think EZ Lee will be having the ref crew as well as probably the team, back again some time.

Roller Derby Membership

So on October 7th, my worries were relieved. We had a vote for the league on whether non-roster people (ie referees and such) can be actual members. I was very VERY worried because it was one of the things that kept me from being more active with another league that I was a part of. My fears were not fulfilled as it was a unanimous vote that the referees and such could be dues paying members!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! It meant a lot to me because it means that it will be worth the hard work and effort that, as an official, I put into the league and that I have a voice in the league. It was funny, with the old league there was thought to the referees paying dues. I thought back to the slogans of the Revolutionary War and the "No taxation without Representation!!" I have no problems paying my share of dues, but don't think that it means I get no voice with what occurs with my money.
Anyway, it means, too, that I can put the extra work into the league and that I will have a voice with what occurs. I know that the way I vote won't always win, but at least I have that vote. It has let me re-structure my priorities in life and derby has gotten moved up in the pecking order.

Looking at things differently

The church that I go to is the college mass at St. Vincent dePaul in Albany. I have been there since returning to Albany over five years ago. I also attended that mass when I was in college, so I know the people that run it very well. I actually am one of the people that helps out with the mass. My job is what I call the "Ed Organic position." Ed Organic was a gentleman who was at the church that I grew up at. He was a lector and Eucharistic Minister. He also was the one that did all the odd jobs that didn't happen every mass or took care of any problems that would come up during mass. At St. Vincent's College Mass, that's what I tend to do.
At the end of last semester, because of Roller Derby, I stopped attending. I did let them know that it would happen, so they were prepared for it. Well, this fall, I returned and was surprised to find most of my jobs filled by the students. At first I was really heart broken because I thought that they were trying to replace me because I was transitioning and that I was showing that a little more and it was becoming a problem or something.
Well, on the 5th of October of this year, I came to realize what had actually happened. The people that ran the mass had come to realize all of the work that I actually do. Many of the things are things that just kind of got pushed onto me because I knew what I was doing well enough that it was simple for me to add it on to my duties. But with me not being there for several months, they realized how much I actually do and are greatly appreciative of it. I still do the prayers of petition and I do fill in every once in a while when needed (more at the beginning and end of the semester and less in the middle).
Once I realized what had happened, my heart was much more calm with being there. I still help out as needed, but I am also less worried when I can't make it.

Sewing Machine

Just a quick note. I am not skilled enough to get my sewing machine to work the vinyl. I even had it all cute and pleated, but it is a no go. I will still have a cute Halloween Costume, but I need to find the replacement parts for some of the higher end sewing machines that I have.

Halloween Costume

So, I don't know if I have included this story, but you need to know it in order to understand my Halloween costume. When I was in kindergarten, two of the parents came in dressed as Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy. They did some type of presentation and then left. The teacher got the costumes and told us that we could put them on and play in them and that they would be over in the house area. I ALWAYS wanted to put on the Raggedy Anne costume. I never had the courage to do it. It was 1985 and I was five years old, so I didn't understand cross-dressing or being gay or anything alternative. I don't regret not having done it, because I did what I had to do to be okay with stuff, but I have this thing for Raggedy Anne stuff (and someday I'll have a Raggedy Anne doll, damn it). When I saw a vinyl Raggedy Anne outfit on eBay (granted it's a little bit sexier version), I've been dying to get it. I realized that since I finally know how to use my sewing machine, I am going to make it. I will actually finally be making my own Halloween costume. I've done it before by throwing things together, but this is the first time I'm actually sewing a Halloween costume. YEAH!!!!!!

The New Doctor

So, I had my first appointment with the doctor that will be taking me on the journey through this whole transition. He is REALLY FRICKING AWESOME!!!!!! We talked for about twenty minutes (about everything, including other non-transition related health stuff) and I found out that I am not his first transitioning patient, by a long shot. I knew I wouldn't be the first because another t-girl is the one that told me about him in the first place. I figured I'd be the second t-patient. Boy was I wrong. It was really nice because we actually talked and I really REALLY got the feeling that he really does care about his patients. He warned me too, that it would be a long fight and that it wouldn't be easy. But I have yet to do stuff the easy way. It was good too because he told me the stuff that I need to start looking into right away and such. So the next step is talking to an endocrinologist (aka the only endo in the area for this stuff), as well as getting rid of the facial hair.
It was nice because after the doctor, I went with one of my derby friends and did some shopping for stuff and we talked. She's a big gigantic sweetheart. She's been really supportive and it is greatly appreciated. It was really nice to talk to someone that's supportive and not be at home or work when doing it. My work friends and my roommates are GREAT!! I appreciate all that they have done for me. It's just really nice getting support from other people that I know in other communities.

1st Dr. Visit

So, if I have the date correctly, I have my first doctor's visit with a General Practice doctor this week. It's kind of cool getting excited about a doctor's visit. This doctor has one patient that is transitioning (cause I got his name from one of the girls), and I am hoping that he knows how to help with getting the laser hair removal and hormones and all the other fun stuff through the insurance. We'll see what happens. I just hope that it is on friday and not tomorrow (but I'll be prepared either way.)

New Roller Derby League

So, there is a new derby league. Many of you might be wondering the story behind it. I will be honest, and polite (I know this sounds like new thing for me, but I'm going to give it a try). There were many mis-communications on the Albany All Stars league and there were thoughts and talks about splitting the league. One of the girls wanted to hear what some of the skaters thought and started a group to get their input. Word got back to particular members and an unplanned discussion began which led to several people (four, if my memory serves me correctly) being thrown out of the Albany League. Everyone was forced to make a decision which of the two leagues to join, because it was stated by the Albany League that you could not be member of two leagues. Several of the people who were thrown out were the ones that had kept me in derby at that point. It was their kind words and encouragements that made me want to still do derby. I was actually debating whether to join a different league or leave derby at this point. So, I explained to the head referee of Albany that I was leaving but that I was more than willing to help out at bouts, and I walked out in support of my friends.
We ended up having an informal meeting that night so that we could support each other with what we had just experienced and it was a nice time spent with my friends. The good part with this group is that I feel a much stronger tie to the group. I am much more involved with the group and have shifted my priorities in life in order to help get the new league off the ground.
In truth, I was looking for a new league to join. I had heard of Pittsfield starting up, and had thought about driving all the way to CT once a week to join Pioneer Valley. However, the Hellions of Troy have welcomed me and I am officially (I think) a Hellion and am willing to help them out as best as I can.

Derby Fun at Troy Night Out

Well, I just returned from having a blast with the Hellions of Troy. They are the roller derby league that I am affiliated with. We attended an event called the Troy Night Out which helps with the art community of Troy. We were supposed to skate out at Monument Park, but the rain did not let us. We also "fliered" the area. This is when you hand out fliers to people that are watching what you are doing, or that you think would be interested in derby. We stopped in a couple of the art studios and a few coffee shops. It was nice because I saw one of my friends from college and got to talk to her about transitioning and stuff, as well as trying to get her to start with derby (or at least come to watch it).
The most fun parts of the night were when we came up with a new derby strategy, and when we handed fliers to the cops. We decided the new strategy will be called Shock and Porn. It's named after two of our skaters, but we are hoping that it will help the team. I would reveal more, but I am afraid of giving tactics away. The other exceptionally fun part was when two of the girls (I beleive it was Ida and Chesty, but I could be wrong), fliered the Troy Police. The cops told the girls that they were the Off Brothers, Jerk and Jack. We also mentioned that we were looking for a space to skate and they said they would try to help us. We were really excited with the cops having a whole conversation with us and I already sent in the photos that I have of the girls "soliciting" the cops.

Actions Speak Louder than Words

Several years ago, I was a very active member of the gay leather community. My best friend (at the time) was a title and former title holder and I went with her to many events. Sometime we just went to support it, sometimes we were going to help out with the actual event. We had a blast (at least I did) at the event as well as traveling there. At the time, I just considered myself a drag queen, but I always did the events as Tiffany Jean (aka the vinyl princess). I received some great support about how the leather community needed, or that it was a great way to open the community up to the rest of the gay community. Some of the best support came from some long time members of the community.
Then came a date that I was scheduled to help at. I was told that I would not be allowed to dress. I understand the reasoning behind it. They had a difficult time getting a leather event to be held in that particular city. In hindsight, I don't blame them for having to tell me not to dress. HOWEVER, it was the same people who were supporting me privately and couldn't publicly. In our present day and time, an honest person is hard to find. I will admit that I am not always honest, but I try my hardest and pick my wording VERY VERY carefully. I also have a good memory for important conversations in my life and that, too, makes me careful with the words that I choose.
I will give the leather people the respect that they have earned. They took me aside afterward and thanked me for not dressing. They understood what I went through and how difficult it was. It was very difficult to understand how someone could be moving towards what I was doing privately and not be able to do it publicly. This makes it difficult for me to trust peoples words. Their actions are what I base my judgements on. However, it makes it much easier for them to gain my trust.
One of my derby friends did a very simple thing and I think she's one of the greatest people in the world!!! She has recently shown that to be even more true (but that has to do with my next post). What she did to gain my trust was very simple. Before a practice, she came over to me and handed me an invite. Her significant other had completed a documentary that was his final project for school. It was a documentary on transitioning, and she knew that it was a topic that was very important to me. She wasn't forceful about it, she just simply explained it and invited me to the opening of it. Just that simple act showed me that she cared and, at least wanted to understand what I was doing (granted, since her significant other had transitioned, she did understand it very VERY well). For me, it's the little things that show me what type of message you actually want to send to me.

Stay tuned for news on the derby front

Marriage Equality March--Albany

So, I was one of the volunteer co-ordinators for Albany's 1st Marriage Equality March across the pedestrian bridge (over I-787). It was a lot of work, but it was fun and I think we really did a good job of getting the message out. Two politicians showed up, Tracy Brooks and Paul Tonko. I got to see some friends and we ended up with over 200 people at the march. If you came out to the march, or supported it (with donations or volunteering or whatever you could) THANK YOU!!!! It was a tremendous success and I can't wait until next years march!!!!!!

Waiting and hoping and having no clue

So, I wrote my ex-girlfriend a letter. I have finally gotten to the point where I am comfortable enough to be friends again. Our last fight is what ended our relationship and we just stopped communicating with one another. I have found out that she wants her old boyfriend and I am okay with that (not all that happy, but I am finally okay with it). So, since we haven't been communicating and I had lost a small thing of hers, I replaced it and gave that and the letter to her mom. At the end of the letter (which I photocopied so that I can actually include it in my book), I told her that if she didn't want anything to do with me, I would leave her alone and that she needed to contact me in order for us to have a friendship again. I didn't want her to feel forced to communicate with me, so I wasn't all that comfortable staying around her and stuff. I'm just hoping that we can be some type of friends again. She's the one that I gave my virginity to (yes, I was thirty before I was willing to give it away, that's a story for another day), and I do actually care about her, but I don't know how well she took the letter or if she even read it or gives to shits about me. It's something that I'm going to have to eventually be okay with, cause there is a decent chance that she doesn't care and I'll never hear from her again. So, tonight, I'm accomplishing a few projects and now I intend to watch a movie and probably drink half a bottle of wine.

Background info

So, I have to let those of you know that I am involved in the BDSM world. It is very different from what we call the "vanilla" world. I will some day explain more, but this is to help you all understand about my "family." In the BDSM world there are many different types and styles of people. I, myself, define myself as a switch. This means that I am able to fill any type of role that is necessary. There are five basic types. Tops, Doms, bottoms, subs and switch. Tops are the ones that are in control at least during "play time." Doms are the ones in control during most of the couples life. Bottoms like to be the one relinquishing control during play. Subs are the one that prefer the other partner is in control and switches are ready for any type of role that they choose. I define myself as a switch only because I am comfortable in either roles. Currently I am looking to become a submissive, but it has been a really long search. When the time is right, and I have found the right partner, then it will occur. Not before. Now, in this world, a collar is a symbol of being the bottom or sub of someone. Others in this world know to not play or do anything harmful to you because you are under someone else.
I am currenlty collared to a wonderful man. He is considered my Daddy. In the BDSM world this is a term that is usually used for the "top" part of a couple that are sexually intimate with one another. This is NOT how this man and I define our relationship. He is a wonderful man who has an equally beautiful and wonderful wife. Daddy was actually born female. He transitioned a long time a go (in a galaxy that wasn't all that far away). He has collared me so that he can watch out for me in my transitioning. He has helped me in dealing with my parents, work, and MANY MANY other things. He doesn't try to take the place of my dad (aka my biological dad) and he won't. But he is someone that watches over me during this journey and is the person that I am talking about when I say Daddy. If I say Dad, or my father, then I am talking about my biological dad.
Dad is at a different point in all of this and he is trying and will someday get there (I hope soon, but when it needs to happen, it will happen). Anyway, that's enough background for now.

Income

As most of us have realized, having a second job is necessary at this point in time. With the help of a digital camera, I will eventually be able to photograph some of my craft work and can start putting it up for sale on eBay. I think it will be a cool concept that I will be making toys and clothes and stuff and able to sell them. Now, if the bank actually approves my loan (which could happen, but I won't hold my breath), I can start doing that within a week or so. If they don't approve the loan, it may take a little longer. But it will be fun either way and it will be cool that I will kinda have my own business. YEAH!!!!

Trouble in the Road

So, I learned about sexual harrassment today. It was pretty interesting, because, evidently, someone was uncomfortable with me talking about surgery that I would eventually have. Now, I understand that it might make someone uncomfortable. But I was shocked to think of it in terms of sexual harrasment. First off, I was answering someone's question. I didn't bring up the topic on my own. The second thing is that it has NOTHING to do with sex. It's not about sex at all.
I do have to give TONS of credit to my bosses. They handled the situation VERY professionally and told me that I have just as much right to be comfortable at my job as the person who made the complaint and that if I needed to talk to them about it, they would be more than welcome to hear me out. They said that my work is going VERY well and that they have no problems with my work abilities, but that it might be a good idea to answer questions about surgery and stuff, during breaks and times like that. They also said that they have no problems with my transitioning either (which works well since I've been wearing nail polish and such since working here). It does mean going slightly towards the closet again, but, if that's what I need to do to get where I need to go, then so be it.
The next goal is to start taking promo tests. A large part of the office is doing so this weekend, but I'm not eligble for another two months. So I'm just waiting for Novemeber 7th (course, I have to hope that there are still tests at that point).

The start (of the blog)

Okay, so not being all that big on blogging, I am interested in someday writing my biography. I'm currently in the process of transitioning from male to female and I figure this is a good way to stay on top of it as well as giving tips/insights/whatever to others who are going down this similar road.
So, currently, I am NOT living 24/7, but I am female dressed most of the time, I like to look pretty and I FINALLY have a job where people don't care that I dress girlie-ish and I am accepted for who I am. I have work friends that I can actually talk to about girlie stuff (as well as regular stuff that we all go through. My counselor is REALLY GREAT about stuff. She's helped me with everything, whether I was right or not, and she's very open and proactive in the counseling aspect as well as the t-girl community. I'm also active in the leather community (which makes for interesting stories) and in Roller Derby in the area. That's about it for generalities. I'll update more as I travel down the road