So, evidently, the waiting is NOT the hardest part!!! *giggle* Well, it sorta is. You see, I did get the approval earlier this week from the insurance company and they will be covering the surgery. My incredibly AWESOME girlfriend has agreed to cover the deposit (which I will pay her back when I get reimbursed via my insurance company). So, I called the next day to actually SCHEDULE the surgery. . .yeah, there's a year to two year wait for the surgery. . .BUT someone happened to have cancelled so there is an opening before the FALL!!!!! YEAH, a two year wait was shrunken down to just months!!!!!
I've been thinking about why that occured for me. I think it's a couple of things. I think a big thing is because my insurance will be covering it. But, I also think the fact that I was on top of my transition helped. Whenever something went to them, I called the next day to make sure it had gotten in. I stayed involved with my surgery stuff and active with what was going on.
So the scary part was letting my mom know. I was really nervous, despite that we had had a really nice conversation this last weekend over the phone. But I was letting her know that the surgery was going to be happening kinda really soon.
She was actually very supportive. I know it's not easy for her, but I am VERY appreciative in the support from my family and friends.
NOW, it's just the really fun part of electrolysis in the really sensitive parts . . . that is not turning out to be that much fun. But I have a mouth guard that I am chomping on when it's REALLY not fun! *giggle*
Friday, May 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The Waiting is the hardest part. . .
So, now that things are starting to be finished with the transition, I'm getting ready for the next big adventure. Meanwhile, my incredibly awesome girlfriend has finished her classes for her nursing!!!!! She had a lot of heartache finishing it and it honestly has me a little hesitant towards going back to school. However, she assures me that it is her program and not the entire school.
Anyway, I have been doing my research and I am pretty sure that I am going to be back in the leather community. From what I have been seeing, it looks like it's time. Granted this is AFTER I recover from surgery, so it's probably going to be six months to a year before I am back to active. It'll probably be two years before I compete. But I already have myself together to compete. . .*giggle* THOUGH, I am still going to see if my Beloved is into it as I am. We'll see.
I had a wonderful dinner with Shannon the other day. It was really good to see her and see how incredible she's doing. She looks great and seems sooooooooooooooo much happier than the last time I saw her (course, that's also cause the last time I saw her was at Daddy Sal's prayer service).
My Beloved got me a couple of awesome t-shirts that came in the mail today. They have the leather girl banner on the top and say "happily owned girl" on them. They are PERFECT for wearing to leather events. Now if I can just find my leather girl t-shirt, I can wear that to the non-leather events that I go to that are still charity work.
Course part of the reason that I am getting all into this is because I'm waiting to hear about my surgery date. It officially went into the insurance company a week ago tomorrow. They said I should hear back within 30 days. THEN I get to figure out my actual date. So, I'm hoping that by the beginning of June, I should know. . .I hope.
I think that's about it at the moment. It's just a big waiting game and trying to keep my mind off of it by thinking about the future and finally being free of hiding who I am! That's kind what the surgery is about, about no longer having to hide who I truly am, even though it didn't match what society was seeing, I am going to have that corrected and be able to be true about myself!!
Anyway, I have been doing my research and I am pretty sure that I am going to be back in the leather community. From what I have been seeing, it looks like it's time. Granted this is AFTER I recover from surgery, so it's probably going to be six months to a year before I am back to active. It'll probably be two years before I compete. But I already have myself together to compete. . .*giggle* THOUGH, I am still going to see if my Beloved is into it as I am. We'll see.
I had a wonderful dinner with Shannon the other day. It was really good to see her and see how incredible she's doing. She looks great and seems sooooooooooooooo much happier than the last time I saw her (course, that's also cause the last time I saw her was at Daddy Sal's prayer service).
My Beloved got me a couple of awesome t-shirts that came in the mail today. They have the leather girl banner on the top and say "happily owned girl" on them. They are PERFECT for wearing to leather events. Now if I can just find my leather girl t-shirt, I can wear that to the non-leather events that I go to that are still charity work.
Course part of the reason that I am getting all into this is because I'm waiting to hear about my surgery date. It officially went into the insurance company a week ago tomorrow. They said I should hear back within 30 days. THEN I get to figure out my actual date. So, I'm hoping that by the beginning of June, I should know. . .I hope.
I think that's about it at the moment. It's just a big waiting game and trying to keep my mind off of it by thinking about the future and finally being free of hiding who I am! That's kind what the surgery is about, about no longer having to hide who I truly am, even though it didn't match what society was seeing, I am going to have that corrected and be able to be true about myself!!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Equality and Justice Day 2011
Okay, so it's not really fun being a second class citizen in this country. For a nation build on equal rights for all, the GLBT community kinda doesn't really have that yet. So, the point of today was to talk to the legislature and tell them to get on that. It was hosted by Empire State Pride Agenda and I was one of the NUMEROUS volunteers. I helped greet the buses which, to me, is TONS of fun!!!! I like it cause I helps me to get really cheerful and just exude the cheerfulness to those that are getting to Albany from all across New York State. I really like the bus drivers are pleasantly surprised when I ask them if they know where to go and that I have directions for them!!!!!!
It's a pretty stop and go thing, cause you'll have three buses show up at one and EVERYONE of us will be on a bus, and then we wait for twenty minutes for another bus.
I met a several really cool peeps that I worked with on this. AND the woman in charge of the buses (and a lot of other stuff as well) gave me a really GREAT compliment about how I am always so cheerful and enthusiastic and well together and seem to be having a really good time. Other than being tired as well, it was all true. Honestly, I don't understand why, but it works and I enjoy it and I hope that those who came from all over really do have a great day.
Of course, I was hoping that that would be the big thing of the day and that the rest of it would just be quiet grunt work.
OH NO
During the bus arrivals there were two religious people of the Jewish faith that decided they needed to protest at the event. I actually spoke to one (after we came back from finishing with the buses) and I really don't understand where he's coming from and I really can't understand why their discrimination is okay. BUT he was very civil and polite and he did let me speak and respond to him, so I was okay with him being there. The other older, person, was just crazy and look for publicity or any kind of response he could get. When they moved from the entrance of where our event was in the Empire State Plaza to closer to the meeting rooms, I went to shake his hand. He pulled back and shook his head, and he could see that I was really hurt and offended. I was thinking, "You can talk to us and protest at us but you can't shake my hand??" But he saw the look on my face and quickly explained that it was because I was a different gender than he was and that he was not allowed to shake my hand cause I was a girl, gay or straight, it wouldn't matter. That calmed me down, AND gave me a HUGE VICTORY!!!!!!!!! As someone transitioning, those protesting what we are just VALIDATED who I was!!!!!!!!!! I figured nothing could ruin my day at that point.
(you would think this is where I contradict that statement, but I can't, nothing really could ruin it, HOWEVER, those two guys tried).
SO, after I visited all the tables that were there, ACLU (well NY's chapter), Kirsten Gilibrand's table, and both were very nice and I really liked talking to all of them, we noticed the guys trying to protest were instructed by the police (yes, the actual state troopers), on where they had to be. So I, along with a few other people kinda mosied on over in that direction and just kinda stood in front of the protesters and blocked them.
Course, little tiny me (alright, I'm not as little as I used to be, but I'm still not that big), couldn't block much. So, I went over and asked about whether there was poster board around to make a sign. The woman brought me to an easel with newprint on it. I figured, if the protesters were going to use religion, so was I. So I wrote up my sign and made my way to stand in front of them, so now, the first thing people saw was not the protesters sign, but mine that said "Jesus Had 2 Dads" Those that saw it smiled and ALL of the clergy agreed with me!!! Some people I did have to explain it to (God the Father and Joseph), but that's okay. It was just very nice. And as the large initial meeting was getting out, there were a LOT of people that joined the few of us that were initially blocking them. I actually got my picture taken A LOT with my sign. It was a lot of fun.
The old protester called it a day after that, the younger guy decided to stick around and just kinda stand in the middle. So I may have decided to kinds sorta stay standing in front of him. Sorta no matter where he turned to. He kinda got frustrated with me, but I just kept dancing in front of him and blocking him. When he asked why I did it, I told him, we don't go protesting when he talks to the legislature. He said that we could if we wanted to we chose not to. (the actual truth is, I'm not a douche bag, so I won't protest at his things). I actually kinda got upset enough that we might have argued about discrimination and whether it was okay or not.
Personally, short of someone that has chosen to perform illegal acts, I thought we were all the same in this country. BUT, his religious beliefs are of the sort where men and women are not equal, so OBVIOUSLY, I'm going to have a problem. Well, he really didn't like that I did a pretty decent job of staying in front of him. He then decided to end up in the convention center. He sorta snuck in there after making it seem like he was leaving, so I wasn't right there at the moment. When I realized he was in there, I followed him and let him know that I was right there on top of him. You see the Convention Center is rented space and ESPA PAID FOR IT, so we could dictate who was in there or not. NOW, I am not more than a volunteer, so I just followed him to make sure he wasn't stealing things or planting a bomb or anything like that. The ones in charge of the day, they got the State Trooper and had him booted out. I actually followed him all the way out onto the center strip of the Concourse and then let him go. Evidently, I made a name for myself and got a really cool Marriage Equality hat for it!!!! (it was nice cause it was maybe 10-20 minutes later and I was talking to friends and the woman comes over and offers it to me, I was like "yeah, I would LOVE the hat" I didn't have any money on me and I didn't think that they took credit/debit cards, but she looked at me and said "honey you earned it from dealing with those guys earlier")
Okay, days done, right?? NOPE!!
I met with my friends (Meghan, and Keri) and we checked if they needed anyone or if we should grab lunch now so we were ready for the rally. They sent us to eat and we met up with Amanda (a really great friend from college) and sat and ate. Turns out, I was the only one eating that had never been vegan. *giggle*
They made an announcement that we had 20 minutes until the rally, so we grabbed the rest of our food and went over. When we got there, the rally people sorta needed people to hold banners so I negotiated with my friends and the rally people and got us prime spots in the sun (what? It was cold in the shade). . .holding the banners! *giggle* I was right next to stage and I got to take the microphone from Miss New York when she was done speaking. No, I didn't talk, I just handed it back to the guy cause he was off the stage on the other side.
SOOOOOOOOO, the only other really cool thing I did at the rally was get them to simplify the chant to one phrase. *giggle* (I kept forgetting what we were supposed to say!!)
When we were done with the rally, we went back and found out that it was pretty much all set. The participants were talking to their senators (which I wasn't going to do, cause I don't like what they are doing to the state workforce), so I asked someone if there was anything else to do. The funny thing was, is the person I asked was a girl I knew from the original roller derby league that I was a part of (if you read it in a previous posting, the league I walked out on with friends). We talked really quick and made it so that the derby stuff is behind us. We can talk civilly with each other and I will probably table at a bout or two of theirs once I get the leather girl. . . I MEAN IF I decide to go back to the Leather Girl stuff. It was just nice cause I wasn't always sure about her, but I was PRETTY sure she wasn't someone that was against me in that league.
And it was right then, that one of my other friends from the newer roller derby league met up with us. That was cool as well and I got to hear a few things about what is going on with the league. But it's not really my thing anymore. There's enough other things that I can do with my life that will be so much more meaningful to me.
Speaking of roller derby, when I got home the package of cool mymonsterhat.com stuff that Anne sent me for donating to her bike ride greeted me!! We have two head bands, so, yes, my Beloved gets one!!! AND, I actually have a monster hat for this coming winter!!!!!! I'm really excited about that!!!!!!!!!
In a few more hours, my Beloved will be home and I will go to sleep with my Beautiful.
It's a pretty stop and go thing, cause you'll have three buses show up at one and EVERYONE of us will be on a bus, and then we wait for twenty minutes for another bus.
I met a several really cool peeps that I worked with on this. AND the woman in charge of the buses (and a lot of other stuff as well) gave me a really GREAT compliment about how I am always so cheerful and enthusiastic and well together and seem to be having a really good time. Other than being tired as well, it was all true. Honestly, I don't understand why, but it works and I enjoy it and I hope that those who came from all over really do have a great day.
Of course, I was hoping that that would be the big thing of the day and that the rest of it would just be quiet grunt work.
OH NO
During the bus arrivals there were two religious people of the Jewish faith that decided they needed to protest at the event. I actually spoke to one (after we came back from finishing with the buses) and I really don't understand where he's coming from and I really can't understand why their discrimination is okay. BUT he was very civil and polite and he did let me speak and respond to him, so I was okay with him being there. The other older, person, was just crazy and look for publicity or any kind of response he could get. When they moved from the entrance of where our event was in the Empire State Plaza to closer to the meeting rooms, I went to shake his hand. He pulled back and shook his head, and he could see that I was really hurt and offended. I was thinking, "You can talk to us and protest at us but you can't shake my hand??" But he saw the look on my face and quickly explained that it was because I was a different gender than he was and that he was not allowed to shake my hand cause I was a girl, gay or straight, it wouldn't matter. That calmed me down, AND gave me a HUGE VICTORY!!!!!!!!! As someone transitioning, those protesting what we are just VALIDATED who I was!!!!!!!!!! I figured nothing could ruin my day at that point.
(you would think this is where I contradict that statement, but I can't, nothing really could ruin it, HOWEVER, those two guys tried).
SO, after I visited all the tables that were there, ACLU (well NY's chapter), Kirsten Gilibrand's table, and both were very nice and I really liked talking to all of them, we noticed the guys trying to protest were instructed by the police (yes, the actual state troopers), on where they had to be. So I, along with a few other people kinda mosied on over in that direction and just kinda stood in front of the protesters and blocked them.
Course, little tiny me (alright, I'm not as little as I used to be, but I'm still not that big), couldn't block much. So, I went over and asked about whether there was poster board around to make a sign. The woman brought me to an easel with newprint on it. I figured, if the protesters were going to use religion, so was I. So I wrote up my sign and made my way to stand in front of them, so now, the first thing people saw was not the protesters sign, but mine that said "Jesus Had 2 Dads" Those that saw it smiled and ALL of the clergy agreed with me!!! Some people I did have to explain it to (God the Father and Joseph), but that's okay. It was just very nice. And as the large initial meeting was getting out, there were a LOT of people that joined the few of us that were initially blocking them. I actually got my picture taken A LOT with my sign. It was a lot of fun.
The old protester called it a day after that, the younger guy decided to stick around and just kinda stand in the middle. So I may have decided to kinds sorta stay standing in front of him. Sorta no matter where he turned to. He kinda got frustrated with me, but I just kept dancing in front of him and blocking him. When he asked why I did it, I told him, we don't go protesting when he talks to the legislature. He said that we could if we wanted to we chose not to. (the actual truth is, I'm not a douche bag, so I won't protest at his things). I actually kinda got upset enough that we might have argued about discrimination and whether it was okay or not.
Personally, short of someone that has chosen to perform illegal acts, I thought we were all the same in this country. BUT, his religious beliefs are of the sort where men and women are not equal, so OBVIOUSLY, I'm going to have a problem. Well, he really didn't like that I did a pretty decent job of staying in front of him. He then decided to end up in the convention center. He sorta snuck in there after making it seem like he was leaving, so I wasn't right there at the moment. When I realized he was in there, I followed him and let him know that I was right there on top of him. You see the Convention Center is rented space and ESPA PAID FOR IT, so we could dictate who was in there or not. NOW, I am not more than a volunteer, so I just followed him to make sure he wasn't stealing things or planting a bomb or anything like that. The ones in charge of the day, they got the State Trooper and had him booted out. I actually followed him all the way out onto the center strip of the Concourse and then let him go. Evidently, I made a name for myself and got a really cool Marriage Equality hat for it!!!! (it was nice cause it was maybe 10-20 minutes later and I was talking to friends and the woman comes over and offers it to me, I was like "yeah, I would LOVE the hat" I didn't have any money on me and I didn't think that they took credit/debit cards, but she looked at me and said "honey you earned it from dealing with those guys earlier")
Okay, days done, right?? NOPE!!
I met with my friends (Meghan, and Keri) and we checked if they needed anyone or if we should grab lunch now so we were ready for the rally. They sent us to eat and we met up with Amanda (a really great friend from college) and sat and ate. Turns out, I was the only one eating that had never been vegan. *giggle*
They made an announcement that we had 20 minutes until the rally, so we grabbed the rest of our food and went over. When we got there, the rally people sorta needed people to hold banners so I negotiated with my friends and the rally people and got us prime spots in the sun (what? It was cold in the shade). . .holding the banners! *giggle* I was right next to stage and I got to take the microphone from Miss New York when she was done speaking. No, I didn't talk, I just handed it back to the guy cause he was off the stage on the other side.
SOOOOOOOOO, the only other really cool thing I did at the rally was get them to simplify the chant to one phrase. *giggle* (I kept forgetting what we were supposed to say!!)
When we were done with the rally, we went back and found out that it was pretty much all set. The participants were talking to their senators (which I wasn't going to do, cause I don't like what they are doing to the state workforce), so I asked someone if there was anything else to do. The funny thing was, is the person I asked was a girl I knew from the original roller derby league that I was a part of (if you read it in a previous posting, the league I walked out on with friends). We talked really quick and made it so that the derby stuff is behind us. We can talk civilly with each other and I will probably table at a bout or two of theirs once I get the leather girl. . . I MEAN IF I decide to go back to the Leather Girl stuff. It was just nice cause I wasn't always sure about her, but I was PRETTY sure she wasn't someone that was against me in that league.
And it was right then, that one of my other friends from the newer roller derby league met up with us. That was cool as well and I got to hear a few things about what is going on with the league. But it's not really my thing anymore. There's enough other things that I can do with my life that will be so much more meaningful to me.
Speaking of roller derby, when I got home the package of cool mymonsterhat.com stuff that Anne sent me for donating to her bike ride greeted me!! We have two head bands, so, yes, my Beloved gets one!!! AND, I actually have a monster hat for this coming winter!!!!!! I'm really excited about that!!!!!!!!!
In a few more hours, my Beloved will be home and I will go to sleep with my Beautiful.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Reunions
So, I am about to reconnect with not one, but TWO friends!!!!! One I used to work with at CVS. She was the supervisor and we worked really well together cause we were both two "get sh*t done" kinda girls. When I moved on to not need two jobs, she ended up with her EMT certification and is currently with an ambulance service. She's a pretty cool chick and it'll be nice to do dinner with her.
The other friend is the person that brought me into the leather community. FOr a few years she was my best friend and my significant other. Things didn't work out and we drifted away and haven't really been in contact, mostly cause we both have crazy a$$ schedules. But, I didn't want to hurt her feelings and wanted to make sure that she would be okay with me going back into the leather scene, so I messaged her and made sure. She gave me her blessing and asked to get back in touch. We were really great friends and it would be nice to be back in contact with her.
This also reminded me, however, how lonely I feel at work. It's been rough since my deskmate, Mary, was moved to another office.
I want the world to be more understanding of the trans community and those transitioning, as well as other groups within the alternative lifestyles (aka the leather community, drag community, etc). WHat I am trying to do is live a normal HAPPY life involving the leather community and probably some of the drag community and be able to show "regular" people that we're not really that different. We all want to be loved and cared about and things like that. Being trans, or gay, or submissive, or whatever is no different than anything else when you look at a persons' basic needs.
In other news, I got a really really really really really really awesome confirmation from a friend of mine in California. She promised to visit me in the hospital after my surgery EVEN IF SHE HAS TO MISS THE INTERNATIONAL DEAF LEATHER COMPETITION!!!!!! She is FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! the funny part is that I was threatening her about getting herself too sick or burnt out to come see me compete at ABW. But we sorted it out so that she knew that I didn't doubt her being there after surgery. I think that will be the warmest thing in the world is getting a hug after surgery from my Beloved AND my sister in leather!!!
The other friend is the person that brought me into the leather community. FOr a few years she was my best friend and my significant other. Things didn't work out and we drifted away and haven't really been in contact, mostly cause we both have crazy a$$ schedules. But, I didn't want to hurt her feelings and wanted to make sure that she would be okay with me going back into the leather scene, so I messaged her and made sure. She gave me her blessing and asked to get back in touch. We were really great friends and it would be nice to be back in contact with her.
This also reminded me, however, how lonely I feel at work. It's been rough since my deskmate, Mary, was moved to another office.
I want the world to be more understanding of the trans community and those transitioning, as well as other groups within the alternative lifestyles (aka the leather community, drag community, etc). WHat I am trying to do is live a normal HAPPY life involving the leather community and probably some of the drag community and be able to show "regular" people that we're not really that different. We all want to be loved and cared about and things like that. Being trans, or gay, or submissive, or whatever is no different than anything else when you look at a persons' basic needs.
In other news, I got a really really really really really really awesome confirmation from a friend of mine in California. She promised to visit me in the hospital after my surgery EVEN IF SHE HAS TO MISS THE INTERNATIONAL DEAF LEATHER COMPETITION!!!!!! She is FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! the funny part is that I was threatening her about getting herself too sick or burnt out to come see me compete at ABW. But we sorted it out so that she knew that I didn't doubt her being there after surgery. I think that will be the warmest thing in the world is getting a hug after surgery from my Beloved AND my sister in leather!!!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Back in the Saddle Again
So, I am now at a completely different point in my life (well, sort of different, but I found a profile of mine where I had posted the link for my blog and realized that I should probably take a look at it and, yeah, it's been a couple of years.
Here's the quick summary. I'm still collared to Daddy and Momma Bear (not sure if I was collared to MommaBear when I last wrote an entry here). I am also dating someone new. My Beloved has also collared me and we do live 24/7. It's very interesting and enjoyed. I am no longer active with Roller Derby. I've just had enough of it because it revolved too much around drinking, and I'm beyond that. There were some other things that were occurring with it and I just really wasn't interested anymore. So I said my good byes to most of those that mattered and just strode off into the moonlight.
I am contemplating a return to The Leather Community. I left it when I started transitioning due, mostly to time, and now that my transition is nearing it's end, I have decided that it MIGHT be time to go back. Daddy and I are planning on taking MommaBear and Beloved to a couple of events so that Beloved knows what it will actually entail AND we can see if the Leather Community is ready for my return. I hope so, but we'll see.
Alright, that's it for the moment. I hope to write a LOT more, but we'll see.
Here's the quick summary. I'm still collared to Daddy and Momma Bear (not sure if I was collared to MommaBear when I last wrote an entry here). I am also dating someone new. My Beloved has also collared me and we do live 24/7. It's very interesting and enjoyed. I am no longer active with Roller Derby. I've just had enough of it because it revolved too much around drinking, and I'm beyond that. There were some other things that were occurring with it and I just really wasn't interested anymore. So I said my good byes to most of those that mattered and just strode off into the moonlight.
I am contemplating a return to The Leather Community. I left it when I started transitioning due, mostly to time, and now that my transition is nearing it's end, I have decided that it MIGHT be time to go back. Daddy and I are planning on taking MommaBear and Beloved to a couple of events so that Beloved knows what it will actually entail AND we can see if the Leather Community is ready for my return. I hope so, but we'll see.
Alright, that's it for the moment. I hope to write a LOT more, but we'll see.
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